DONT give me that RL & SL lines dont blurrrr......

Oh Pleaseee ? If I read " I keep my RL and SL separate" on someones profile again - I'm gonna puke !!!!! Of course you dooooo....especially if your married with 3 kids and your having an SL relationship with the Queen of Sheba ..and your wife thinks your playing ONLINE CHESS !!!! Duh........
but lets face it !! SL involves RL feelings ALL THE TIME !!

Ok....so normally I try to sit on the fence when it comes to this discussion...because EVERYONE has their own take on this subject. Its almost as contraversial as the partnership / marriage conversations!!
However, recent conversations / activities in my Second Life have led me to some very certain conclusions about how we expend our energy in world.

The Club is a perfect example of this, and after being there for nearly 2 years, I feel confident in sharing these observations with you.
I am an avid group IM watcher, and I enjoy watching people interact. I feel I have learnt ( and continue to learn ) a lot about how characters interact in SEcond LIfe.
My goal, within sl and also in rl...is to simply show the respect to others - that I would like given to me. Sounds simple enough huh ? ..Well....

Sometimes, I fall off my wagon. Sometimes I am so busy enjoying myself, I cant see the forest for the trees. Sometimes, my opinions and my 'big mouth'...simply get in the way - and I realise too late, that I have in fact - broken my own rules ! As long as I eventually realise this...I am not too hard on myself. ( Depending on the carnage involved )
and I fall off sometimes...because I get caught in the vortex of the Second Life emotional roller coaster......

RL and SL are separate ...mmmmmm......ok .....

- tell that to the Avatar who insists on bringing their RL standards into SL.
- tell that to the Avatar sitting in the corner crying because their SL husband just left them.
- tell that to the Avatar who has been complaining to me for the past hour about how they were offended by the use of the word 'baby' in the context of the previous sentence.
- tell that to the Avatar who is the alt of someones brother who is spying on their X girlfriend while they dance with the alt of their best friend !
- tell that to the Avatar who is feeling hurt by others in world who were discussing his personality , and then cut and paste it to someone else ?

None of this has ANYTHING to do with Rl feelings right ???

RL and SL are separate !!
I dont agree. OMG....I sooooo dont agreeeeeeeee !!!!
Anyone will tell you, their SL feelings and interactions can effect their RL day.
Anyone will tell you, that their RL day can effect the way they interact in SL.
Anyone will tell you, that the reason they come to SL or talk to a particular friend in world, is because of the RL feelings that inspire them to return.
Anyone will tell you, if someone in SL decides to label you a certain way ( eg. arrogant, naive, dumb for whatever reason ) ...it is taken personally....involving RL feelings.

Anyone who has expressed Love, devotion, care or concern for someone in SL ..KNOWS that ALL these feelings are not limited to SL...they extend beyond the screen to the real person behind it. The real person, with real feelings.

Needless to say, many folk in SL portray feelings that simply dont exist. Many make brazen remarks regarding others feelings and personalities without considering the consequences on ones rl feelings.

We have a small chat box ( for the majority ), and the words chosen to communicate need to be chosen with care. Voice eliminates a lot of confusion, but generally we use the chat. One word, one sentence can be misconstrued, misunderstood, perceived in many different ways. We need to take care with the words we choose, because like it or not, RL feelings WILL be effected by your comments.

I dare to say it is an impossible task, to keep RL and SL separate. Along with the experience at the Cage, a lot of people ask us...What do people want ? Why do people come back ? What is the lure of the Cage? Or why DONT people come back ??

There is simply ONE answer I can give - and I give it with absolute confidence.
People go back to a venue in sl ...be it a Club, a particular sim , a role play area whatever .....because they ENJOY it ...!! Simple...they ENJOY IT in RL. It is not their Avatar having feelings of joy, or pleasure! It is not their avatar, typing words onto the screen, its the Real person, who makes a RL decision to log on, because of their RL feelings.

Of coure there are other factors....They may Enjoy the atmosphere ! = RL Feeling.
They may enjoy the MUSIC = RL feeling.
They may enjoy the COMPANY = RL feeling.

'Some' people can separate. Some people are able to completely define their role play in SL, and remain 'removed' emotionally. ( eg Zombies ) I suggest to you that even these stalwart, hard - core individuals, allow their RL feelings to contribute to their SL.

People come back to the Cage because they enjoy it in their RL !! Simple !!
The eternal theory of SL and RL being separate entities is a myth, as far as I can see...you cannot have one without the other !

Amber winks !! I wouldnt be here ...if my RL body didn't sit down at the computer and log on :)

P.S....I think its grand ....and fantabulous....that my RL feelings cross into SL.
I feel honoured and privelaged to be able to experience and learn in RL ...from the individuals I meet in SL. I encourage you all to embrace the philosphy that the two go hand in hand.....go for the ride....stop fighting the crossover and go with it. Learning about yourself is always liberating. Sure..it sucks sometimes too, but you cant have it all one way :)

I have come to the conclusion…

that I will have to stop singing when driving. Unlike Madam Amber I never sing when anyone can hear because well quite frankly I can't sing… but this doesn't mean that when I am in my car alone, listening to the radio as I drive that I don't enjoy singing along to the music.

So why should I stop you ask? Because as a sad indictment of society today, it appears that anyone driving who looks like they are enjoying themselves MUST be drunk. This afternoon yet again, I was pulled over for a random breathe test, not by a roadside set up but by a passing police car, who had to go out of his way to turn around and follow me when there were plenty of other cars going in the same direction he could have chosen to pull over. After testing me and getting a negative result and looking I might add disappointed he was happy to go on his way.

This is not the first time this has happened to me, and EVERY time it has been when I have obviously been enjoying myself while driving. On one occasion I looked the police officer in the eye and said "you pulled me over because I was singing and having fun didn't you?" He never actually answered my question but he did blush brightly, leading me to conclude that I was right.

I never drink and drive, I never have so I don't have a problem with random breathe testing. But I do object to the fact that one criteria for "random" appears to be someone enjoying themselves. I think it is sad that just because one is having a good time it is assumed that there is a good chance they are drunk… sheesh, if that is the criteria then we must all be off our faces with alcohol at the Cage every day, because we have a lot of fun there and the majority of the time it is while sober!!!

QQ

Has Q Deserted the Cage???

No, people I have not!! Just unfortunately FL is rearing its ugly head. Have to move houses and I although I am logging in to SL, I am spending a lot of time packing things up in preparation for the move, and unfortunately being in Aussie land, Cage playtime is daytime for me and when I have the most time to get stuff done.

Still love you all and miss you... but I will be back with avengence when all settled.

Huggies to all

QQ

Keeping Emotional Perspective in SL

Something that is sometimes easier said than done, as what we know intellectually does not always correlate with how we feel emotionally. This is where having good people around you really helps. In my case when I am losing the plot Amber steps in with "you are not okay… I know". like her little terrier Ruby, Amber doesn't let go and keeps at me until I crack and admit that I am not okay and then after chatting I really am okay as that was what I needed and this puts me back on an even keel. And as for Amber well when she loses the plot I am there to jump in with all the logic to help defray the emotional responses.

SL by its nature focuses on the mental and emotional attachments we make and of course being the humans we are those will at times war with each other. Also the fact that again by its nature SL is just that second life and first life whether we like it or not has to take precedence and again even though we know this is the case intellectually we all sometimes need someone else to come along and remind our emotions of that fact. Just because we understand something doesn't mean that our emotional responses are any different. The trick is working your way through those and you know I think that is truly wonderful in itself because it really teaches us so much about ourselves and our ability to process and control ourselves.

Yes of course being a female I am writing this from a female perspective and yes we do generally process things differently to males (stop grinning Mr Glaz).

So to those of you out there silently stressing away over the slightest thing… remember that is what friends are for to see you through the ups and downs and keep you grounded.

QQ